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?

not an equation to be solved,
a series of fill-in-the-blanks;
thinking if I looked hard enough,
reviewed the frames of the past,
pieced them into jagged films of memories
(so obscured, overexposed,
shaking hands,
a distorted shadow over the narrow lens),
thinking if I transcribed every word,
every one I thought and said,
sorted out emotions like careful
measurements
test tubes and beakers,
a fume cupboard of
[serotonin/cortisol/oxytocin/dopamine/
an overdose of chloroform]
thinking if I churned out the right
formulas and Newton’s laws,
criss crossed the variables
and symbols and dots,
there it would be the answer
for me –
(((wait, wait, wait, that’s not how it is,
it took me a dozen or so years to learn this))),
and here it goes –
not an
1) equation to be solved
2) a fill-in-the-blank
3) a crime scene tape
4) a script to transcribe
5) a chemical to find
6) a formula inside
7) an answer key in black and white
(1-7, which is right?)
facts and figures frozen in time,
however you want to describe
all of that,
but also so much more –
(slow down, slow down)
I still don’t understand the facts but it’s fine,
because it’s so much more that that.